even my horoscope says
today is a bad week, to lay low
why am i so emotional
why am i crying all the time
i feel terrible
it better be this fucking period i swear
And realizing again I’ll die one day and all of a sudden I’m gripped with the fear of not being, of oblivion
Hellfire doesn’t scare me as much as nothingness does
I don’t want to die not yet not soon not ever—
But I think I’d tire of forever
A psychic once said the afterlife is whatever we want to make of it
And I think I’d want to exist some more
Fly around and watch because I love to watch people, I never get them but I want to
I want to see my father once more and my mother and brother and my friends
And then I think to sleep forever would be okay
I had to be born- I haven’t always existed, I don’t think
It doesn’t frighten me to know at a point I never was: consciousness took care of itself
When I die I figure it’ll take care of itself again
Eternity in an instant
Sleep sleep forever
The only thing id stick around to tell you is that I love you
And that it’ll work out
"I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love."
Jared Leeds shoots Top Chef Kristen Kish for Inked Magazine.
It has been brought to my attention (repeatedly) that I am neglecting my duties as a co-moderator. (Apparently saving a bunch of things as drafts and never posting them is not helpful.)
Anyway, I have been holding on to this, because OMG, Kristen Kish came out as having a girlfriend!
To my knowledge, she has not publicly said how she identifies yet, but it is so great to see a badass Asian chef who is into women. Also, she has cool hair. Also, integrity! (She was eliminated during Restaurant Wars for someone else’s mistake, but then won Last Chance Kitchen and came back and won her season.) Watching Kristen compete was a constant debate of “Do I want to date her or be her?” Still not sure.
I grew up watching cooking shows on PBS, until we finally got cable in high school, but Martin Yan was never exactly relatable as a role model. So Kristen coming out was all kinds of wonderful and joyous, and so exciting for her! I have many more thoughts about representation and coming out and diaspora and Korean adoptees.
In any case, YAY!